What's It All About?
Looking at me you would probably just see an average woman in her 40's, married with a daughter, running a small business with her husband, living an ordinary life and dealing with the standard stresses and strains of everyday life. But if you could take a look inside you would see something completely different because I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
I have lived with this debilitating illness for as long as I can remember. Even in my earliest memory at 3 or 4 years old I remember feeling the pain and hurt this illness causes but at this time it was not recognised and was not correctly recognised or diagnosed until just after my daughter was born 12 years ago when I was very lucky to meet my psychologist.
At this time I was very, very ill, I think probably the worst I had ever been. My OCD is very complex so there was lots of trial and error in this two year process, but with a brilliant psychologist and a lot of hardwork we managed to get me to a place I could function in everyday life.
So my life went on, feeling a little stronger using the tools I had learned to battle this awful condition. Then covid hit and then lock down! That was it, the OCD tightened it's grip and I was falling, falling fast back into that very dark black hole and as I tried to hold on I couldn't. I was back being bullied by that gremlin until I was completely broken once again and if I'm honest the pain of this constant bullying every minute of everyday was exhausting.
Left with no energy or strength to fight, I just wanted to leave this world. But I found a thread of strength and I gripped it with both hands. I contacted my psychologist and this time we agreed due to the complexity of the OCD we should go back to the beginning look at the causes and development of my unhealthy coping mechanisms and how I easily fall into their traps.
As I emerge from two years of psychotherapy, I am still feeling the hurt and pain however I am healing and getting better and starting to discover who I want to be.
I wanted to write this blog as I continue on my journey and create awareness around mental health and to show that mental health conditions are definitely nothing to be ashamed of. I want to tell my story as an example perhaps, so people can see they are not alone, as it can certainly be a lonely place. Maybe you might just enjoy reading it and relate to certain parts as we all try our hardest to get through life.
Finally, I would like to say a massive thank you to my amazing psychologist who has guided me through and has taught me so much.
So this is me.
I am That Girl With OCD xx
Important information: This website has been designed to create awareness around mental illness only and does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. This is based on my personal experience and is not a substitute for professional advice.